


A Difficult Road Home

by KrisLetang



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Car Accidents, Dinner, F/M, First Dates, Hospitals, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28084242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisLetang/pseuds/KrisLetang
Summary: Entry fro the 2020 Barson Secret Santa Exchange. Rafael returns from Iowa to have that dinner he promised Olivia, but nothing seems to go quite as planned.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 33
Collections: Barson Secret Santa 2020





	A Difficult Road Home

**Author's Note:**

> Fic for Vic. Prompt was: Rafael returns from Iowa and takes Olivia to dinner. What happens during dinner and after dinner. 
> 
> I definitely took some liberties with the prompt, but it still fits.

Rafael silently cursed at himself as he hesitated in front of her door. He was second guessing his choice to wear a sweater instead of something fancier, but it was far too late to change now. He adjusted it, running his fingers through his hair before knocking on the door. 

He was startled when Noah appeared, a big grin on his face. “Uncle Rafa!” he yelled. “Did you bring me a present? Mama said you were in Iowa.” 

“Noah Porter Benson! What did I say about opening the door?” Liv called, appearing behind her son. Noah glowered. “Let Uncle Rafa inside please.” 

Noah sighed before going back into the apartment. Rafael hesitated a moment before he pulled her into his arms. “Liv,” he whispered. “Jesus, I’ve missed you.” 

“I’m sorry about Noah,” she said, stepping back to let him in.   
“I um….I brought these for you,” he said, handing over the flowers he’d brought. “Sorry I’m a few minutes late. There was a lot of traffic.” 

“It’s alright. Lucy isn’t here yet, so we can’t leave anyways. Come in. Sit down. I can get you some scotch if you want,” Liv said. “I’m just going to put these in a vase.” Rafael sat on the couch, and Liv went in the kitchen. He heard the water running. He was trying not to let himself get too worked up, but he was far more nervous than he should have been. It was just that he wanted this to be perfect. They’d been waiting so long for this, probably too long, and he felt like this was his last chance. “Here. Sorry. Lucy said fifteen more minutes.” She handed him a glass of scotch, and he took a sip. 

“No, no, don’t worry. We still have time. I called to push the reservation back thirty minutes,” he said. Liv sat beside him. 

“I know we’ve been waiting to do this. I’m sorry,” she said. He turned to look at her seriously. 

“Really, I promise. It’s fine,” he said softly. “You’ve been waiting on me to wrap up in Iowa for a good six months. I can wait fifteen more minutes. I cleared my schedule for tonight.” 

Liv smiled, reaching out to touch his soft sweater. “This is soft. I haven’t seen this before. Is it new?” 

“I may have made another trip to Brooks Brothers in preparation for our dinner,” he said. 

“Well, it paid off. You look very handsome,” she said, and he couldn’t help but smile, his chest puffing out slightly, chin tipping up, and she smiled back at him. 

“Mommy!” Noah called from somewhere in the back of the apartment. Liv sighed, kissing his cheek before standing and going back to find him. It was a few moments until Rafael finally heard a knock on the apartment door. He stood, walking to the door and letting Lucy inside. 

“Oh, Mr. Barba,” Lucy said. “Hi. Sorry I’m late.” 

“Liv is in Noah’s room,” he said softly, moving out of the way. She walked down the hall, and he paused, rubbing the back of his neck. She’d looked surprised to see him, and he had to push down the feelings of self loathing. He didn’t want to let them seep into their night and ruin his plans. He wanted to enjoy his evening with Olivia the best he could. He was here now and that was what mattered. 

“Okay, let’s get going before he calls again,” Liv said, appearing from down the hall. Rafael smiled again, holding the door open for her. They walked to the elevator, and he pressed the button to go down. “I’m so glad we’re finally finding time for this. I’ve missed you much.” 

“I wasn’t sure how I would feel when I came back,” he said softly. “But I’ve missed you and I’ve missed Noah, and I’m feeling incredibly happy to be at home.” Liv moved closer to him, looping her arm through his. They waited a few more minutes before he frowned, poking the button again. 

“Well, that’s weird,” Liv said. “Let’s just take the stairs.” He nodded, walking with her to the stairs. Rafael was sweating by the time they made it to the bottom floor, but he was just glad they were finally on their way to dinner. Liv hailed a cab for them, and he checked his phone to make sure they were going to make their reservation. Thankfully, the restaurant he’d picked wasn’t too far away. 

The car dropped them off, and Rafael paid the driver before they went inside. “Welcome, what’s the name on the reservation?” the woman asked them, and Rafael smiled. 

“Barba,” he said, looking around the place. The woman paused a moment, clicking away on the computer. 

“Unfortunately, I don’t see a reservation here,” she said frowning. Rafael wanted to scream. 

“I called,” he said. “Twice actually. I called an hour ago to push the reservation back slightly, and I was told it was fine.” 

“I’m sorry sir, I don’t see your name here,” she said.

“Well, do you have a free table?” he asked, and she frowned again. He rolled his eyes, feeling his blood pressure rising. 

“We’re actually full at the moment,” she said. He was on the verge of saying something he would regret, but Liv interjected before he could. 

“Rafa, it’s okay,” Liv said softly. 

“It’s not okay,” he said, but he let her pull him away from the podium. “Sorry,” he said. “Jesus, it’s like nothing can go right tonight. Um, maybe we can go to Forlini’s.” 

“That sounds wonderful,” she said, patting his arm. 

“Liv,” he said. “Really, I am so sorry about this.” 

“Shh,” Liv said. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s just have a nice evening now. Forlini’s isn’t that far. Let’s walk. It’s not too cold out tonight.” They started walking, and his stress began to drain away as he talked with her. She was so beautiful, and it was easy for them to slip back into the ease of their relationship. Talking was easy. It always had been for the two of them. Liv knew how he felt and what he meant. Sometimes he thought she knew him better than he knew himself. 

They were walking down the sidewalk, looking around frosty New York streets, and he wondered if he was the luckiest man alive to be beside her. They reached the street corner, and Rafael looked both ways, waiting for the light to change to the walk signal. Rafael was a step behind Olivia. “Do you still want to sit in our corner booth?” Liv asked him, looking back over her shoulder at him. He smiled, caught up in her beauty. He was about to answer when the squealing of tires distracted him, and he saw the car out of the corner of his eye. He had just a split second to react--he wouldn’t be able to get both of them out of the way. He stepped forward, shoving Olivia as hard as he could, hardly able to brace himself for the bone crunching impact of the car. He felt himself roll up the hood before he landed on the ground with a sickening thump. His whole body ached, and his vision felt fuzzy. 

He was curled up on the pavement when he saw Olivia’s face one last time before everything went dark. 

…………………………..

Rafael blinked, his brain overwhelmed by the pain. He was dizzy, and he blinked again, trying to clear his vision. Olivia was kneeling over him. “Rafa,” Liv said, and he could barely hear her over the roar of blood through his ears. He didn’t even know what exactly hurt--it felt like his whole body was consumed by the white hot, burning agony, and any movement made it so much worse. “Jesus, just blink if you understand me,” she said softly. “Don’t try to talk.” 

He groaned softly, shutting his eyes. It took him a few long moments to force them back open and blink at her. He couldn’t focus through the pain--not enough to form any words. “Rafael, look at me. Stay awake. You can’t close your eyes.” 

He wanted to do as she said, but he was so tired. All he could think was that he was so grateful that she was okay. She was alive, and she would survive even if he didn’t. She was strong, the strongest woman he knew, and she would be okay. She didn’t deserve this pain. She’d been through too much already, but at least she was alive and she had a son who loved her. 

He couldn’t manage to regret any of it. He just wished he could have saved her any and all forms of pain. He’d already caused her too much of it. She tapped his cheek, gently, trying to keep her eyes on his own. “It’s going to be okay. Help is coming. I promise it’s going to be okay. I’m right here.”

His left arm felt weak. He couldn’t lift it without feeling like he was going to pass out, but if he forced himself to push through the pain, he could lift his right arm. His arm shook but he forced it forward, his shaky hand cupping her cheek and smearing crimson blood across her beautiful face. He couldn’t really pull her close, but she came easily, trying to take the strain off of him. “I’m here,” she said again, her voice distorted by the tears. 

He couldn’t really speak, not without a heavy ache in his chest, but he forced the words out, his voice small and hoarse. He wasn’t even sure if she could hear him. “I love you, Olivia.” He couldn’t keep his eyes open long enough to see if she heard or not. 

………………………

Olivia was a mess. Her heart was slamming in her chest, and she was trying not to break down. She hadn’t even seen the car, not until it was slamming into Rafael. It had taken her more than a few moments to process exactly what had happened. She still felt like she was processing, and she kept going back over it in her head. 

They’d just been walking across the street. They were just around the corner from Forlini’s, and she’d been asking him about their table when he shoved her. She’d fallen, landing hard, the pavement knocking the wind out of her. She heard the sound of the car slamming into his body, leaving him crumpled on the ground, limbs bent at unnatural angles, blood spattering his new sweater. 

The way he’d looked at her and reached for her broke her heart. She’d desperately felt for a pulse after he passed out, grateful to feel soft thumping against her finger tips. She still hadn’t truly taken a deep breath since she saw him lying there in the middle of the street. 

Now she was finally going back to see him in his room, and she was terrified. She wasn’t sure what she was walking into. She wasn’t related to him, and there had been no updates from the doctor except to tell her that she could finally see him. 

She hesitated at his door, but her need to see him alive won out. He was sitting up in the bed, pillows stuffed behind his back. His eyes were closed, his arm in a sling and his leg casted and elevated. He was hooked up to IVs and tubes, looking small in his hospital gown. “Rafael,” she said, and he opened his eyes, looking at her. His eyes were glazed, his pupils huge, but he smiled when he saw her face. 

“Hi,” he said softly. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked, trying to force a smile onto her face. She kept her voice light, but it wasn’t nearly as cheery as she’d been hoping to make it. 

“I feel like a car ran me over,” he said. “I’ve been better.” Liv couldn’t help but laugh softly. She wanted to hug him as tightly as she could, but she was afraid to jostle him too much. He had his uninjured arm resting across his midsection. She could see the pain in his eyes. 

“Can I sit?” she asked, unable to stop the tears from overflowing. 

“Sure,” he said. “Can you pull that tray table over here though? You’re just in time to share my yummy hospital dinner.” He scooted over the best he could on the bed, and Liv pulled the tray over so he could have his food. She sat in the area he vacated, trying not to crowd him. 

“So what’s the damage?” she asked as he picked up his fork. Liv took the plastic lid off of his plate, and he made a face at the grilled cheese sandwich he saw. 

“This is not the steak I wanted tonight,” he said softly. He set the fork down reaching for the plastic knife. “Broken arm in two different places,” he said, dipping his chin towards his left side. “Dislocated my shoulder. Broken femur and a cracked fibula. Six of my ribs are cracked. I might have a concussion. They’re watching for internal bleeding. A bruised ego.” 

“Jesus, Rafa,” she said softly as he cut down the middle of his sandwich. She couldn’t even manage a smile at his small joke. 

“I’m sorry about tonight,” he whispered. “Nothing went the way I wanted it to. Nothing.” 

“I should be the one saying sorry. You got hit by a car, Rafael,” she whispered. 

“Please tell me I left a human sized dent in their bumper,” he said softly, and she couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I wasn’t really looking at the car,” Olivia finally whispered. He offered her a soft, crooked smile. Liv almost didn’t want to take the half of a grilled cheese sandwich that he pushed in her direction; she wasn’t feeling particularly hungry after what she’d seen, but she knew she needed to eat something. She picked at it, and he devoured his own half. Rafael pushed his tomato soup toward her while he ate a few bites of applesauce. Liv wanted him to eat it. He needed his strength, but she knew he would worry if she didn’t eat, so she forced herself to take a few bites of soup and to finish the applesauce he gave her. Once he’d eaten the rest of his soup, he handed her the jello cup to open. 

“I guess this is our dinner,” he said softly. “Not at all what I meant when I offered to take you out, but that’s alright. I’m just glad we’re together.” 

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” she whispered, wrapping an arm around him gently after she handed the jello back to him. 

“Mmm, green jello,” he said. She laughed softly. He stuck the spoon in the jello, lifting out a big chunk of it, but instead of putting it in his own mouth, he held it towards hers. She laughed again, but she ate the offered jello. She took the cup from him then, feeding him a spoonful in return. A bit of jello fell off the spoon onto his face, and he laughed, swallowing what had made it into his mouth. Liv looked at him for a moment, taking in his handsome features--his green eyes that were full of love, his crooked smile, the jello clinging to his bottom lip. Liv couldn’t help herself, not after everything that had happened. She kissed him. 

He kissed her back, twisting to make the angle better, but she pulled back then, not wanting him to hurt himself. “You stay still,” she said softly, turning herself to make the angle better. She needed to feel him this way even just for a few moments. “I love you too, you know,” she finally said.   
“I think I’m having a morphine fever dream,” he whispered, his voice breaking with emotion, and Liv laughed, pulling him close. 

“I’ll kiss you until you realize it’s real,” she promised. “Mind if I stay the night?” 

“On our first date?” he asked, feigning scandal. “Wow, Captain Benson, I can’t say I expected this from you.” She kissed him once more, this time to shut him up. 


End file.
